Monday, 31 December 2012

Ten Years Ago

"You're a modern girl and I'm an old fashioned fool"

The perfect New Year's Eve for me...had always been spending it with a childhood friend but as life marched on and we stopped the tradition, it was spending a quiet night at home, writing. I thought it was a great way to start the New Year by doing what I love. 
 I'm not one for parties, noises or crowds. 
  That was before there was a 'we' however and it was ten years ago...

It was our third or fourth date. 
He was late. 
That only gave me more time to fret--I changed outfits twice--from a skirt to a pair of leathery pants..I was worried I was overdressed. 
And in the back of my mind, I wondered about the sanity of this plan. 
I didn't know this bloke all that well. 
But it felt like we had been friends forever and I clung to that thought.
He had invited me to a New Year Eve's would be our first night spent together. 

Finally, he arrived to pick me up. 
I asked him if I was overdressed-
He said, "You're not over dressed at all. You're prefect." 
Off we meet his friends. 

Later, I found out, these were the really good group of friends, the crowd you've known the longest, the impressive ones. 
At the restaurant, he ordered for us. 
I even ate the mushrooms on the gourmet pizza, then we went to the party.

It wasn't so crowded at the party. It was a lot of conversation and laughter. 
In fact, it was my kind of thing. 
We kissed when the hour changed 
And that was the first night I spent in his arms. 
We've been flipping the calendar together ever since...

He will always be late--but he will always come through.
And I have gotten used to feeling overdressed.
He still orders for us. 
Though I've long since come clean about hating mushrooms.
That night was amazing and we've had many amazing nights since...
He still tells me, "You're perfect" 
 I'm looking forward to the next ten years...because
Each year, it has only gotten better and better and I hope this is our best year yet

Happy New Year to you and yours! May you have whatever it is your heart desires!

Friday, 28 December 2012

Friday Fragments: Sleepy Giggles

Before I share a snippet of life with you, I wanted to mention that I have updated the link roll ---> replacing some websites that haven't been updated in a very long time with newer ones I've come across and love to read. If you are on the list and don't want to be, please let me know and I'll remove the link. Likewise, if you've included my little corner of the web on your list and I haven't returned the kindness, do let me know.

It has been such a string of happy days and a most relaxing time, I don't really want to go to far into what happened yesterday--besides it all turned out well enough.
 But the side affects of spending a lot of time with each other where the Dominance/submission dynamic was in full action and then suddenly, not having it there...hit me rather hard. This was further complicated by...believing one thing and the disappointment of that not coming through.
 But I mention it because, you know how I've been trying to wrangle those emotions? To feel but not react? Yesterday I got it--haven't quite processed this fully--but I'm happy its all working. And Horace is especially pleased and that's what counts.

We were in bed, Horace was under the covers and I was laying on top. A little ritual, Horace termed 'tuck in spank' and I can't remember when this first started, it seems like its been present for a long time.
Anyways, Horace started spanking me.
And I giggled.
So many half-thoughts went through my head all in a furry.
"What are you doing?" my husband asked.
He swatted me again and I couldn't answer because now it was a full onslaught of giggles and I had to move out of position to come up for air.
"Are you done?" Horace asked, his hand around my neck but softly.
"Yes". I wasn't lying, I thought I was finished.
I reached up and tickled him and then we had this tickling match going on.
"All right! You really need those tuck in spanks now.."
I looked at Horace and thought he looked tired and its one of those things; one of you is tired and the other isn't...I even asked if he wanted to get up and go out.
"No. I need sleep. Not a word."
Horace spanked me, finally getting in his tuck-in swats and I crawled under the coves next to him and put my head on his chest. I thought of how relaxed we both feel here in the new hovel home and Horace drifted off to sleep and I read but I was still thinking so many the fading of safewords, a stereotypical dominant personality, the conclusions or judgments people make when they see us as a couple and how very grateful I am that my husband chose so well in moving us here--all topics I'm sure I'll get around to writing more about and I too slept.

Thanks for Reading!

Image source: Google image search 'Life is Supposed to Be Fun'

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Wishes Fulfilled

(Holiday greetings to you and yours! I hope you've had a wonderful, peaceful time and wish you all the very best in the coming days as the calendar flips) 

“It is like we are at the lake.”
One of us remarks, when we open our new door.

These really have been a string of amazing days. And to be honest, I guess it did start at the lake, two years ago when we were married.
You see, we did it how we wanted to.
 A little unconventionally, with a lot of creativity and heart. 
There was no stress, no fuss and the whole thing included a week honeymoon at the lake.

And there...after the ceremony, after everyone went home, it was an incredible week.
 Magick, even.
It was peaceful and tranquil.
Harmonious and calm.
We spent time with each other every day, we explored, wondered, had a few good adventures and relaxed.
We set forth intentions for the future.
Mainly, to have those feelings, that state of being that we had that week, throughout our every day.

Mostly, we succeed.
Even with the bumps and the stress and the wrong turns.
When there is a disruption, it hits us both hard because it really isn't our norm...

But the last few weeks have been the opposite of all those pretty words. Its been stressful. Though this is a culmination of a long period of time, with input and thoughts and opinions from me, my husband moved us forward, to a better place, situating us in a more improved state. 
  It was the from there to here that was messy.
I was resistant, even though I went willingly and saw the reason—I didn't expect the emotional pull uprooting our lives for the bigger picture and greater good caused. 
This move was a huge change; we are simplifying our lives based on those intentions made but it wasn't a simple, easy process.
We got through it.

These past few weeks...have been amazing. 
Magick, even.
It hasn't been all sunshine and roses but the lake effect has been felt throughout. 
Even with the bumps.
Our new hovel home is a beautiful space.
 It is a sanctuary and even when it all tips to the other side, there is still the lake effect in the atmosphere.

Holidays approached. 
Typically, we have more of an affinity for creating experiences than the traditional gift exchanges. 
Besides, we are at that point where we need stuff for the home and opportunities to travel are higher on the list.
It was a bit of a surprise when my husband suggest we do the exchanging gifts thing this year, he said it would be simpler what with the move and he thought it would be fun; we haven't done it for awhile.

Our holidays start on December 21st—it is our tradition to celebrate the Winter Solstice.
This year, my husband took me out for a lovely dinner.
If we aren't doing the experience/adventuring thing, we exchange one gift here; which we did this year. Something fun and light.
Solstice was awesome. Time together, in our own cocoon.

Christmas started to approach.
Caused some family drama this year; we are the ones who usually host dinner.
And we are the ones who go and chase after everyone else...but
My husband decided, “Enough of this”.
And told everyone if they wanted to see us, they were more than welcome to drop by.

It was a gorgeous day. Relaxing, calm and serene.
We spent time at home, made a fantastic breakfast.
Relatives dropped by throughout the afternoon.

We had good doses of sex.
In the evening, we took a stroll to our new downtown.
The streets were quiet and still.
Dinner was a snack at a Persian restaurant.

We walked home, in the cold.
Both of us thought this was a perfect way to spend the holidays and my husband decided from now on, we would do it just like this.

Tranquil, peaceful, magick, even.
My husband gave me a little gift. And I wanted to share.

“My love, you deserve this and you have earned it.”

It feels good to be owned.

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Dominant Maturity

“Immature love says: “I love you because I needy you.”
Mature love says: “I need  you because I love you.”
-Erich Fromm

I've been thinking about maturity of late, in several aspects.
Maturity of trust in our relationship, emotional maturity and what I've thought of as 'Dominant Maturity'.

Trust, love, loyalty all take time to develop and grow. On the days when all is going smoothly, I believe we've hit a certain maturity in our relationship, one that kind of feels like an old comfy sweater but somehow is still new.
The other day, I was talking to a woman who has been married for forty years. I told her we've been married for two but it still feels new. She told me that's a key element to a happy marriage; that it still has that new feeling. As she talked to me about her husband, her face lit up and she became more animated; clearly this woman is still in love and talks about her husband with a little bit of wonder and amazement.

Physical trust has always been easier for me to hand over than emotional trust. When it comes to physical-ness, my attitude has kind of been; “just give back my body mostly in one piece when you are done with it” as my thinking or beliefs are more defined in this area.
I think we have emotional trust—we let each other be in the space of our relationship
But to be honest, I think I am still working on the emotional maturity.
Horace, I'm convinced came out emotionally mature.

I think of emotions as some kind of guiding point and live by them.
  It is the part of learning how to control the reactions emotions can cause that I'm still learning. Working through emotions and feelings is how I process almost everything and if it stopped there, it would be fine.
But it doesn't always stop there; sometimes I take those messy emotions and put them on Horace's lap.
There is a difference in living by how something makes me feel than reacting or giving into the frustrations (and believe me, this world can be a very frustrating place for me) and emotions the situations cause to arise; like reacting defensively to good advice from a well-meaning friend.
Really working on this and Horace is being his usual patient self and helping me along--that isn't to say he allows me to get away with throwing emotions about--but he realizes this is something I have to wrangle with for myself.

Through many years of our relationship, Horace has always been the patient one, though he brought up the concept of living D/s 24-7 often, he never pressured me into it but kept trying ideas on for size and gave me time to explore and a lot of breathing room.
And because I was given that room and latitude to explore, I think the transition was a lot smoother. Horace took into consideration what I had identified as needing/wanting and came up with a plan or structure based on that comfort level but also with what he needed/wanted (again; all of this developed through trial and error and years of knowing each other).
A few months ago, when Horace changed the game ever so slightly, it threw me for quite awhile.
But now, I realize it was because he recognized we were growing; both him and I and our relationship and it needed tweaks to the structure. I also think now, this is part of Horace maturing as a Dominant.
He is much more dominantly now than he was nine years ago and just as I feel I have grown being a submissive, I think he has grown being a Dominant; skill sets based on what we need as a couple and individuals, a mixing of meeting needs and compromising. Dominant Maturity, like all other types of maturing, looks to be an evolving aspect.
I would love to read the opinions of others on this...just saying.

This whole post pretty much wraps up what has been on this blog, up until now.
Always wondering about these topics, trying to work through them and figure it out and trying to learn and grow from what we have done before and my mistakes.
In the “New Year”, I hope to continue to share with you more reflections because this-submissive-wife-thing isn't always easy and this has been a wonderful space to vent, rant and rave, I hope to post more erotica writings, I hope to share with you more authors and books of an erotic nature and to post more erotica art.
It is an evolutionary process of maturing as l'heure bleue carries on. 
              Hope you'll continue to read along.; it has been a pleasure having you over.
Thanks for visiting. 

Monday, 17 December 2012

From the Journals: Breaking and Forming

(While unpacking, a few old journals were discovered--writings from a much younger Bleaume. Thought I would lightly revamp and edited a few entries and use them as posts-fodder can be found anywhere) 

When you have always been on the outside, of the innermost circle looking in, it is hard to extend the trust it takes to form those bonds. 
The longing for what I have seen, is intense and some days it consumes. Ties of friendship that run deep, the interesting mystic-like souls who stand in an array and most of all: the darting look across a room and the instant response; the confidence with which she went, willingly and without doubt--no words were exchanged a quiet gesture, and I wouldn't have seen it if I hadn't been...well standing on the outside looking in, the way her body is always slightly leaning towards his--that is a different kind of connection and I want to be brave enough to experience it.

 You can't live life in pursuit of only one relationship, one friendship, one connection--that demand would be too much and I know, if I want a little of what I've seen, I have to let go of the bonds that have held me; but you are the only person that has ever recognised me, soul-deep. 
 But...we are in this time and place--if it was different, maybe. If we were born differently and into roles that weren't formed as keeper and kept, perhaps. 
 This is new--these longings and desires, this perception that makes me believe I want to be taken care of, with a firm hand leading me. If I go, the breaking of the connection would destroy me.
 It is learning to take a little of the bond that has been my security and going forward--at least I think it is the way, the only way I can go and see if it is possible for me, the fulfilment of these desires. 

Art Credit and Usage 

Friday, 14 December 2012

Friday Fragments: Quotes from the Blogosphere

This is my 100th post! If only I had chosen a better topic.
 Maybe I'll celebrate my 100th post next week..and I'll try to think of something creative. Surely you don't want 100 facts about me, right? I'm open to suggestions.

I'll be honest with all of you and admit, I'm trying to distract myself this evening and I'm trying not to pout.
 I will put in about three hours of work, some house tidying and then have a nice smooth drink.
 You see, this evening, there is a community kink event happening and I wanted to go.
I really wanted to go. Having just moved here, it would be nice to know a few souls and like-minded ones at that and Horace is always encouraging me to get out there more and now that I want to...I can't...its just some sort of cruel irony.
Horace is busy and will be out late this evening and there is no way I would be allowed to attend something like this on my own (maybe if we knew other people there, maybe if there were close friends there, maybe if it wasn't the first introduction) so here I am, at home....*pouts*...right trying not to...
 Why don't I just go anyway? Surely none of you are thinking that...and if you are, you haven't read enough around these parts. 

Anyways, there are several things that caught my attention from a few blogs this week and I would like to draw your attention to them and add my own commentary.

If you are a fan of books, erotica and hot reads, there is a Candy Cane Kink Blog Hop going on featuring TONS of talented authors—I found out from Patricia Green (don't you love new readers and comment-leavers?) and you can get all the info on the hop by visiting this post:

Know thyself. It is often said, etched in stone and repeated advice, isn't it? Back in the day, when I was active in the pagan community, I gave at least one version of that tenet at every workshop, community event and session I helped run or hosted. It is the first rule and the only one that matters (I always thought). 
It's a life-long study.
You hear this advice too, while reading through kink/BDSM related things. How can you engage in submission or play or kink if you don't know what you can handle, your reactions, your limits, your capabilities, etc? Lil has an excellent post this week and you can find it here:
I loved the quote Lil included:

Self-conquest is really self-surrender. Yet before we can surrender ourselves we must become ourselves. For no one can give up what he does not possess."
-- Thomas Merton

June wrote a hauntingly beautiful post, here: I've heard it said 'perhaps the world would be a better place if there was no unwanted children' and I've always cringed at the black and whiteness of that statement. It's what you do with whatever beginning you were given that matters. June's post brought to mind this quote:

"It doesn't happen all at once," {said the Skin Horse}. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."~The Velveteen Rabbit

And because....I want to go out tonight....

“To days of inspiration, playing hooky, making something out of nothing
The need to express, to communicate
To going against the grain, going insane, going mad
To loving tension, no pension, to more than one dimension
To starving for attention hating convention, hating pretension...”
~RENT (“La Vive Boheme”)

Have a great weekend! Thanks for Reading!

Thursday, 13 December 2012

Morning at the Hovel

Last night, Horace sent me to stand in the corner.
I had said a word—not a swear word—but a word he really dislikes hearing. It is on the list of things not to say and goes to how he doesn't want his wife to behave.
I know the rule. It's a pretty old one.
But I was frustrated, overwhelmed and tired.
The last couple of weeks have been emotionally draining and I am finding it harder than I thought I would living out of boxes and bags and our routines totally up in the air. The stress got to me. Over this time, there hasn't been a lot of exchanges that are D/s.
I mean, its not like we took a break from it or put it on hold, its just it kind of fell into the background while we were in this hectic sphere. our conversations were mostly made up of exchanging to-do-list's. So its been there, because it has always been there but the action part of it and the every day intimacy that forms that structure hasn't been completely present.
Personally, I think this is something that both of us will get better at in time, as this side of our relationship continues to grow and mature.

Being in the corner, is an effective correction/punishment because I will avoid corner time. It is something that always yields the desired affect: of bringing me back to submission or centre and bringing the point home of what I did to end up there wasn't acceptable. I don't like it, not even a little bit. Normally, Horace might have let saying this word go with a simple reminder or a gentler correction but as explained to me, while I was standing in the corner, with my arms stretched over my head, he thought it was time to reestablish the cadre (a really nifty french word, meaning 'framework'). Horace also reminded me that good behaviour—following the rules, doing what he wants, acting in the way that pleases him—leads to rewards of his attention and affection, leads to kinky play and trying out things I may like while the opposite of all that ends up with the withdrawal of his attentions, affection and depending on how severe the infraction, punishment.

Horace left me, standing there, in silence for awhile. When he came to fetch me, he hugged me and asked if I was all right (really, if I 'got' it) and we went on with our evening. There was no spanking or play that followed this and to even stretch the point out further, later on Horace asked me to go down on him but without giving me any pleasure.

Horace was right, in all of this. I had been 'missing the collar' over the last few weeks and I needed to feel his authority, to be reminded of our cadre and I needed to see it in action.

This morning, Horace asked me to get up with him (most of the time, he likes his mornings by himself. While I'm awake, I usually stay tucked away in the bedroom, reading over work notes or responding to emails, until Horace is ready to leave for work--| start my work day later) and warm him up some pie. I obliged—even though having been awakened really early in the morning by construction, I was still sleepy and the last thing I wanted to do was go into the kitchen-- and was rewarded with hugs and kisses and being told, “good girl”.
Give and take and the freedom to choose the consequences and knowing where the line is, feeling the structure of our cadre once again, is marvelous.

Monday, 3 December 2012

A Side of Laughter

It is like he--Horace, my husband-- has the ability to quickly take a snapshot of the situation and the personalities involved, then process that information and come up with the right thing which will dissolve the conflict.
 It's a pretty neat trait. Even when it works against you.
 There really isn't much that rattles him, he's calm and collected and cool and just goes with the flow. 
Years ago, after a small car-accident--where no one was hurt and it really wasn't anyone's fault--but Horace's car had damage to the headlights and front, I went to meet him, asked if he was all right and he assured me he was. 
Then he suggested we go for ice cream.
And we did. 
I, of course, was more upset about he was about the whole thing and wanted to know why and how it happened and Horace's comments were along the lines of, "Sometimes there isn't a reason and its no one's fault." 

I can be way too serious a lot of the time and Horace can find the playfulness or fun, no matter the situation. 
This past weekend, I was miffed at him. Just a tiny bit.
Not angry but just a little above annoyed.
And I was mostly miffed because it was a tiny thing I wanted wrangled into a box right then and there and Horace didn't agree.
A little thing in the scheme of things and I think it is impossible not to occasionally feel irritated at your spouse.
 I spent a few minutes being grumpy. 

He put his arm around my shoulders and I-kind of playfully shrugged it off. 
 "What? You don't like this arm? I've had it as long as I've known you..." 

I tried to hold on, for argument's sake.
 Couldn't help it and burst into laughter.
 Then I apologised for my mood and our day got better. 

Friday, 30 November 2012

Friday Fragments: Carry On

There is snow on the ground and boxes half-packed and bubble wrap everywhere and my home has become one giant confusing maze and there are dinners planned and gatherings to show up to and there is the realisation that perhaps we have too many toys--how exactly does one label that box? and there are phone calls to be returned and cable companies not to deal with and a puzzle of trying to move fish and there are aggressive knocks on the door that shouldn't have been answered and the mystery of why they were answered and weird fake-service people wondering the neighbourhood and there are really, really bright lights on the back fence from our neighbours yard (really? who does that) and they are blinding into our home and the fact that it won't be our home for much longer is a little freaky to grapple with and there are a gazillion phone calls asking us about our holiday plans and there are missed deadlines and surprise meetings and a growing stack of work and there are...

Strong arms enfolding me.
 His voice reminding me,
 "Ce n'est rien, (its nothing) compared to all we've weathered this is a Sunday stroll.
It'll all get done.
 It will be perfect."

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

A Day in the Life

Yesterday, a rather rare occurrence happened, something I don't do often.
At least not voluntarily.

Freezing cold day. I had a pretty amazing yoga class that morning. 
On my way home, I stopped at a coffee shop. After an hour and a half on the transit where I ate an yogurt; pointing that out because I don't think eating sugar is the best thing to do right after that type of exercise (or a 'kinky scene' contrary to some of the advice out there) but this was well after the class and again, freezing cold day. 
I ordered a hot chocolate. 
And turned in the tight queue, hitting the lady behind me with my yoga mat, that was hanging over my shoulder. 
"Sorry! I'm so sorry. This thing is awkward", I said to the lady behind me.
"Really, don't worry about it. Its a good thing you're doing..." 
And a conversation commenced. I told her a little about the class I was taking and she told me a little about her attempts at yoga and then my drink was ready. 
The lady behind me, thought it looked good and ordered one for herself. I told her to enjoy her day and off I went. 

 That was small talk.
Which isn't something I normally willingly engage in or start or make.
 Hard for the majority of extroverts out there to understand, I know.
Why, here?
The impetus of course, was my own action. I continued a conversation because the lady's body language struck me as being very quiet; she spoke in a level tone, she didn't ask me a thousand questions and talked to me about something I obviously have an interest in; not the weather or the crowds or xmas or something trite. All of that, are the keys to making small talk with an introvert.

While we are trying to plan our holiday-feast-ness, there are a few kinky sort of gatherings we are considering. Horace of course, has no problem with these things, loves any version of show and tell and feels very comfortable in large groups.
 It isn't that I am shy; or I dislike people (though some days...) or that I don't want to get to know people or there is a shell I have to come out of. Its just these crowds of people who for some reason, think its all right to barrage me with questions when they don't know me that can be at times of a personal nature, really isn't my thing. And this clash of personalities is another compromise, Horace and I make often.
 I'll go to the events.
He knows that the next day, I'll need a couple of hours to myself to decompress.

 A couple of years ago, a friend pointed me to this article and it really is terrific, on how to deal with your introverts

 Same friend asked me recently if I would write something along the lines of caring for your submissive introvert and I'm mulling it over. Might have to ask some questions to other submissive introverts I know...and that's always a careful dance, after all.

Friday, 23 November 2012

Friday Fragments: Accepter le Compromis

Ah, compromise.
It is a subject that comes up, one the curious ask about in regards to our D/s dynamic.
Is there compromise in your relationship? If Horace is responsible for making all the rules, how could there be?
Yes, its a power exchange, where the balance seems skewed at first glance but it is a balanced relationship, nonetheless and compromise, just as I'm sure its vital in any relationship happens between us all the time, like I mentioned in the last post, we compromise on the noise and level of it all the time.

Sometimes, of course there is no place for it. Horace decided on moving us to the hovel and while I disagreed with the shape of the hovel and the local,  I'm carrying on. Doing what needs to be done, convincing myself that this is a good thing (over and over and I'm so fortunate I have good friends who have let me ramble and ramble and ramble incessantly on the subject) and even looking forward to it. You see, Horace really has me, when he points out things like “You've been wanting to move for years”. Okay, well yes...but, oh forget it, please, hand me another box.

There are many benefits to uprooting and plunking down somewhere else; like changing cable companies. For year's we have lived in one of the last neighbourhoods where the rights agreement still exists—meaning one cable company bid on the rights to service and won and is grandfathered in.. No other cable company can move in on this area; which means they are the only option we have for television, et al. Considering they are the only option, they have charged accordingly. friends a block over, can't believe what we're paying. Crazy, eh? You would think that there would be some kind of governing body that has rules about these things.
Anyways, so I was happy to consider other cable companies, because this one has driven me up a tree for years. I hate this entity.
The last time I spoke to them, I believe my exact words were “Are you the sadists of Satan's?” In a completely neutral, deadpan way.
My husband, of course had to kind of smooth that one over--like he has after every time I've spoken with them-- and while he understands my frustration, wasn't happy with how I behaved towards them.... end result was the cable company is not to call me and I'm not to talk to them. Everyone was happy with this arrangement. 
So the relief of not having this entity in my life was palpable. Until Horace told me that we would be going with this current company in the new hovel. How is that a compromise? Okay, that one isn't.
 Ahh...but my usage of the word 'hovel' is...Horace doesn't care for it but indulges me. 

We had dinner plans—that I was actually looking forward to. I got ready, dressed up and waited as the clock flipped to the hour. Still no call from Horace and no Horace walking in the door. A few short years ago, I would have been miffed. I think as time goes on, with situations like these, you kind of develop some spouse sspidey sense. My sense was telling me, Horace was working late, caught up in something and didn't call because he wasn't able to. I settled in on the couch with a book. Eventually, Horace called.
He was sorry, could I please make our apologies to our dinner guests?
Of course.
I was tired. It has been a few long weeks.
Told my husband, I would really like a nap but I was sitting pretty waiting for him.
Horace told me to take a picture, then I could take a nap.
I hate pictures. The only reason why we have wedding photos, is because Horace insisted (and I'm awfully glad he did) and I don't like taking pictures of myself. But I did. That was a compromise.

Compromises happen all the time. Our approach, given the structure of our relationship might be different but there is still give and take and sometimes our compromises resemble playful-barters.
Finished tidying up. Couldn’t bring myself to wash the super-heavy pot in the sink.
I'll take twenty spanks, I offered.
Thirty and you have a deal, Horace countered.
Sold and over the kitchen chair I went.

Thanks for reading! Have a great Friday!

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

To Inspire and Be Inspired: Liebster Award

Being bogged down and a having a little of the "Staring at the blank blog page" and inspiration not forthcoming, I thought I would play along and consider myself nominated for the Liebster Award, via Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts

Here are eleven facts about me, to share with you: 

1. I love the sky. I spend a great deal of time flipping through NASA's gallery. 

2. I'm pretty sure, I would drink anything that has been percolated. 

3. Both wine and beer make me horribly ill but tis the season and having been invited (already) to a whole lot of wine and cheese parties, has led me to wanting to host a scotch party. 

4. I really wish I could focus strongly enough to write a novel. Working on it. 

5. I'm not horribly creative when it comes to the bedroom. 
Decorating, I mean. 

6. I freak people out often during conversations because I'm perfectly content to let them talk, while I listen and ask a question or two. Silences do not bother me. They seem to bother other people. 

7. My kinky version of 'climbing mount Everest  would be to try a (rope) suspension. This would require the aid of a very patient and experienced rigger and the permission of my husband. Don't think either of those elements are likely going to happen. 

8. I love theatre and one of my favourite plays I ever saw is called Picasso at the Lapin Agile.

9. Though having this blog has helped, I can still be downright squeamish and prudish when talking about sex and all related subjects. 

10. I am not musically inclined, at all: I don't particularly like having music on and despite numerous attempts, can't read sheet music. My husband can play by ear and seems to need background music on. 
Considering too much noise makes me want to put my head through a window; its something we often compromise on. 

11. I love to bake and so wanted to participate in the cookie-exchange that's going on around blogland. But my husband vetoed the idea for fear of revealing family 'secret recipes' . 
My favourite cookie to bake, any time of the year is gingerbread. 

Bonnie's Questions:

1. What's the most foolish thing you've ever bought?

A pair of jeans with fancy beadwork on the pockets. They were expensive and I knew they didn't fit. 

2. What is your favorite body of water?

I love the water, wherever it is found. But somewhere along the Atlantic Ocean, good memories were made.  

3. After a spanking, lotion or no lotion?

That's up to Horace's discretion and usually its no lotion after a spanking. If its a heavier sort of impact play, sometimes an oil but he isn't the "'s your cookie" sort.

4. Would you skinny dip if you could be sure that no one would see?


5. What was the name of your first crush? 

Honestly? I didn't really have a crush. I was too busy looking at the sky and doing other things---dating just kind of eventually happened. Kind of like marriage. 

6. What is your favorite flower?

My favouirte flowers...any that are bleue.

7. What is the best reason to have children? 

That you want them; that they are wanted

8. Do you snore? 
Hmmm...I don't know. 

9. What is your favorite smell? 

Oh I have lots of favourite smells. It would be really corny and kind of gross if I said 'my husband' I like the smells of fall and pie baking and chocolate and espresso and the just-after-the-rain scents. 

10. Are you attracted to people in uniform? 

Not particularly. 

11. Do you prefer mountains, beach, forest, desert, grasslands or city? 

I like the mountains, love the beach, like the idea of the forest more than I enjoy being in it, would take a pass on the desert and grasslands and it really depends on what city. 

If you would like to play along; share eleven facts about you with us and consider yourself nominated and give answers to these eleven questions: 

1. What is your most hated pet name? 
2. What is the one thing that your partner/spouse/other half does that annoys you? 
3. If you could meet anyone in the world, who would it be? 
4. What is the most amazing job you could think of, that you would like to do? 
5. What's the most interesting place you have ever been? 
6. Where do you like to be, most? 
7. Is there something kinky you would like to do and haven't? 
8. Who is your favourite person in this world (excluding your partner/spouse/other half)?
9. Is there something you've been meaning to blog about, but haven't? 
10. What do you want? 
11. Combien de langues parlez-vous? (How many languages do you speak?) 

Monday, 19 November 2012

Random Moonday Thoughts

I don't want to hesitate, or hold back. 
 But I want to be actions match my intent..of expressing submission 
 And not an attempt at dictating how I think it should be... 
  I want to be led..even if I stumble on the hill of demands..

I think I am still learning the elements of submission when it comes to just doing something... I know will please him or express how I feel but I halt in my tracks, because I think its such a fine line of wanting to offer that--some expression or show--but the fear of coming across as too strong, or dictating often keeps me back. 
  Its one of these Mondays or days, when I'm just feeling the absence of the collar (one of my dearest friends termed it that way recently and I've 'stolen' the phrase--obviously I mean metaphorically) and its a ho-hum kind of day all around; one of these days that we often have where it means it will be long hours until we see each other. 
And my rational, logical brain thinks "That's silly" but the part of me that wants to bask in his Dominance and yield to his words, his touch, all parts of him, is a slight wreck. 


Some random housekeeping:
 Apologies for the word verification thing, but I've been hit with an alarming amount of spam bots lately.
 To the person who emailed me and said, while they enjoyed my blog, 'their Master' wouldn't let them comment...thanks? I guess? I do wonder why you felt it necessary to tell me about it and would like to say, I mostly write this blog for myself: comments are lovely, always appreciated but my feelings aren't hurt if there are no comments; and I also do wonder...why would you read something if your 'Master' has a problem with it? But perhaps that's just because if I'm told not to read a certain blog or website, I don't.

 Hope you are all having a great start to your week!

Image source:

Friday, 16 November 2012

Friday Fragments: A Blueprint

As I've been packing up our home this week, to go to another and as the stuff that still needs to be packed, seems never-ending, last night I packed a box of our wedding stuff. 
 And that made me a little sentimental. 

I think our wedding, how we planned it, how we created it, was the perfect blueprint. Because we're us--we did it all in a way that worked for us. A little unconventional, with lots of creativity and elements that had special meaning to the two of us. We didn't care what anyone else said or suggested--however well meaning they may have been. I even wrote the entire ceremony (with lots of input from Horace) and there are many days when I see the promises we made that day, as a guide, yes, a blueprint indeed. Vows aren't meant to be said and forgotten but lived. 

Having said that, the other day, when I had to fill out a form, I caught myself and started writing my maiden name. This marriage thing, still feels very new, at times. 
 And I kind of like that. 
 There are other times when it has that old-comfortable feeling, and I think its a blend of two that keeps it in a kind of balance that works. Horace always delights in surprising me and knows me well enough to know, I need some sort of constant newness, its not that I am unhappy with how things are but I like new challenges, new opportunities, new experiences.
Even, when faced with it, that's when I tend to retreat and get a little freaked about change and then I dig in my heels. My husband is very good and holding it all steady and calm; holding me steady and calm. 
 I trust him to do what's right for us and if that means living in a hovel, well it does have a very nice view. 
And both of us strive to follow the blueprint, as it changes, grows, expands and becomes new. 

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Moins on en sait, Mieux on se porte!

(Moins on en sait, Mieux on se porte! = The less you know, the better it saying 'ignorance is bliss'...if only that was acceptable) 

You know that feeling...the dawning realization that you just went and did something that in retrospect (or five minutes after the fact) you probably shouldn't have done because it wasn't the brightest idea you've ever had and you just know he isn't going to be very pleased with this.
It isn't anything major, not a breaking of a rule or being disobedient but still.
  The general idea I live by is to try and make his life easier. Our life easy. I try--and sometimes because I'm me it takes a great deal of effort--not to do anything that's inconvenient or going to add to the steady, orderly swirl of chaos we have going on.
  I can, blame this one on my mother, which is a small consolation.

Though 'cleanliness is godliness  to her the methodology wasn't something she taught her children  We were told to get out of the way. If only she had encouraged housekeeping skills like she had with baking/cooking, I would be a much better housekeeper.

Though my siblings got the same shooing-away as I did, the benefit of them being older is by the time I got out on my own, they had already figured that kind of stuff out. I learned how to clean from them and from an Aunt who just has the know-how about all household-related things. 
I should have called her when the idea popped into my head.

And now, I don't mind cleaning. It doesn't give me a sense of accomplishment or anything but when I have time to clean our home, it means there is downtime, so cleaning isn't a big deal.

(Kind of seeing why my mother staked out a claim for cleaning alone, come to think of it but anyways..) And I am kind of in the middle of a cleaning frenzy around here. It only makes sense, clean it before you pack it.

But I went to change the sheets. And even though the very-new-mattress isn't gross or anything, I thought: "Wouldn't it be a good idea to clean this?"
Right. Not so much.

Because cleaning a mattress is quite involved  But I looked it up online, got all the stuff and went to it.
 I got interrupted.
Went back to it, got interrupted again.
These interruptions were good. Because, somewhere between how I started and how I went back to it, I only did each side of the mattress, not the middle.

But did you takes time for a mattress to dry? And the chances of it being dried completely for tonight are kind of slim?

And while I'm on the subject: months ago, we had been talking about getting a bigger bed but we needed a new mattress and got the new mattress before a decision was made on a bigger bed. And we love this locally manufactured mattress. Its like sleeping on a firm, yet soft and puffy cloud.

Does the size of the bed matter? It turns out it was a good idea not to go for the bigger bed because a new bedroom awaits us and it might be slightly smaller than what we have now (the trade off is bigger living space), so there is that but I don't think pointing that out this evening would be a good idea.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Release of Resistance, Resistance

The release of resistance--necessary to change and growth, has quite the affect. 
if you have been stuck on a reoccurring thought--a preconceived way of how you think your life should be--and the thought has been like a mantra circulating in your head for over two years and finally, somehow you let it go to think new thoughts and think of other alternatives...the release of resistance is like floodgates opening. 
 Because suddenly, new opportunities arise and its one giant-becoming-unstuck in every area of your life--its not instant manifestation but its awfully close. The affect is even more potent when you and your partner are on the same page. 

This is all grand; I like change. But Horace and I handle stress and change differently and that conflict has left us scrambling to find some version of our normal in this chaos. 
We have had silly, pointless spats (nothing major or earth shattering, just off the mark for know, debates really: "The sky is blue". "No actually, the sky is colourless.."...actually, I think we fall into this habit when things are stressful...I look to Horace to lead us back but if he's the one who has started the debate...yeah).
 I like to plan out every moment of my life. There, I admitted it. 
Well, I like to somewhat plan out every minute of my life--I at least like to have an idea of what is going to happen that day--a weird juxtaposition when I'm the one who always clamours for new things and changes, I know--and when its big life changes, I handle the stress by planning out how its all going to work. I want it done before I get to the new thing--that kind of thinking.
But it can't happen like that--maybe if we had more time. Maybe. So maybe its not every moment of my life I like to plan out but I have become a little reliant on our routines. Our rules. Our structure. And I'm not sure if that's a bad thing. 
 But that's what is all upside down at the moment.
  And Horace is in a different place because he deals with changes and stress differently. As usual, I broadcast my emotions and feelings every second, whilst Horace doesn't actually show any sign of all of this getting to him...but the debates are our little fall backs. And all of this is kind of irritating and going against the grain of the release of resistance because suddenly having a little friction in our relationship is really weird. 

 Anyways: I'm trying to determine how useful a salt grinder is. Any opinions? Someone gave it to us eons ago as a gift and its heavy and kind of awkward.
 (I ask for opinions but its with the caveat of differences of opinions notwithstanding. Horace thinks it should go in a box. I am having trouble envisioning myself using the thing in the next year or ever). 

Thanks for reading. 

Friday, 9 November 2012

Love Our Lurkers Day!: A Spanking Hello

Welcome to Love Our Lurkers Day. This is the 7th edition Bonnie has hosted over at My Bottom Smarts and this year--as the first time being on the blogging side of the fence--I am thrilled to participate.
 Lovely lurkers, I understand your plight. Even today, with my own blog there are instances where I won't leave a comment because I don't know what to say, what I do want to say, will probably offend someone or I just feel very, very shy.
But today its our beloved lurkers day and we are really hoping to hear from you. You see, lurkers make up the majority of consistent blog traffic and some days, when there is no comments and you feel like striking the whole thing, at least this blogger has been reassured by the silent readers.
 Today I invite you to comment and say "Hello", tell us a little about yourself, and maybe why you like this blog and if you're feeling very brave, what you would like to see more of.
 I would like to share with you a real-life spanking tale:
(c Bleuame 2012)
There always seems to be a debate, when it comes to spanking for discipline, if its really effective. My answer to this has always been a resounding 'yes'. Spanking is a tool used in our D/s relationship but not the only one and nowadays its used for an array of other things: a reminder, a pulling me back into line, stress relief and foreplay. But I think spanking is how our power exchange started to become cemented, the first seed, so to speak. 
 Many years ago, I used to have this habit of walking away from Horace when we were out. Literally, we would be in a store, a market, a plaza, a park and I would give in to my impatience and frustration and walk away from him. 
  Horace hated this behaviour. He thought it was rude and disrespectful--which clearly it was--but at the time, I didn't see it that way. I would justify it by saying things like, "Well if you didn't take so long in the store", or "I was annoyed, would rather I stand at your side and throw a hissy-fit?" 
 Let me repeat: this was very, very early in our relationship. Long before we were married, before there was an engagement ring on my finger, before we were living together. 

One day, while we were out, Horace stopped at a display in the mall that didn't interest me at all and I walked away from him and walked all the way outside. 
Ten minutes later, Horace came out of the mall and the look on his face was steely as he grabbed my hand harshly and marched me into the car. 
"I'm taking you home and we're going to deal with this. That's the last time you walk away from me like that again."
My stomach dropped to the floor but I felt a little filter of excitement. Horace had spanked me before, a couple of times for discipline but mostly spanking lead to other kinkier things and usually ended in sex.

 Horace flipped on the radio, calmly drove to my place, without saying a word. I would go to say something, take one look at the expression on his face, and bit my tongue. 
At my place, Horace lead me straight into my bedroom, took my jacket off, tossed into a corner and sat on my pleather-couch-fold-out-bed and held both of my hands, positioning me so that I was standing in front of him. 
"I am going to spank you for your behaviour today and you will never act this way again. It's rude, disrespectful and I know you are a better woman than that."
And it one quick motion, Horace had be over his lap and his palm was coming down hard on my behind. 

Oh, I protested. I told him he couldn't do this, that my behaviour wasn't so bad, he was overreacting. 
 He told me to be quiet and he kept on spanking, steadily until there was a warm heat on my bottom. 
 Then Horace stood me back on my feet and told me to get myself into the corner and stand there. 
  I shook my head; he glowered and said, "Now." 
I dragged myself so very slowly, across the room and stood in the corner, pouting. 
  Unlike many, I hate 'cornertime'. And I actually hate it, not a pretend hate but please do it to me anyways, kind of hate, no this is a hate with a passion kind of hate. Even today, all Horace has to say is 'corner' and its one of those trigger words that comes with a hefty warning. 
 Anyways, as I stood in the corner, I looked at Horace over my shoulder and he wasn't looking at me. He didn't seem bothered at all that I was standing in the corner. 
After what seemed like forever, Horace called me over to him. 
"How are you feeling?"
"This isn't fair--" and that's as far as I got before, once again I was over Horace's lap and my bare bottom was exposed to his strong hand, that spanked and spanked, despite my meek protests. 

Horace sent me back to the corner again. 
By this time, the fire was dying and I was actually starting to pay attention to him. My mind was going back to the incident in the mall that lead me to this and to all those other times. 
 Horace called me back over to him, and this time I put myself over his lap and I felt his spanks more because my butt was past warm--it was hot and stinging and his big strong hand still came down relentlessly. 
 Horace lectured me; telling me what behaviour he expected from someone in his company, how he expected me as a woman to behave and how my behaviour was going to change. 
He stopped and I went back to the corner. 
 But this time, his words had actually really penetrated. Horace hadn't made any threats, he didn't say "behave better or its over" but I knew he wanted more. I knew, even if that statement wasn't spoken, Horace wasn't going to put up with this--even his patience has its limits. And I knew I could do better.
 When Horace called me over to him, I went with my head down and as meekly as I could. 
He put me right over his lap, his hand on my neck and started spanking me again, silently. He didn't say a word and I felt tears well up and to my utter surprise, they started falling. My bottom was sore but I hardly noticed. I felt shame and guilt and disappointment. 
 Horace's hand stopped and he gently massaged my back, brought me up right and pointed. 
  Back to the corner I went: even though all I wanted was for him to hug me. 
After a couple of minutes, Horace said,"Come here". 
I did, once again putting myself over his lap. But he softly spanked me, little pats landing on my sore behind. 
"Are you going to act like that ever again?"
|"No", I promised. 

"You've learned your lesson?"
"Yes...I really am sorry and won't act so disrespectful towards you again."
Horace gave me one more resounding spank, brought me up so I was sitting on his lap, put my head against his shoulder and held me. 

This was, like I have said, a long time ago, but I never walked away from Horace again in public after that and also, after this incident, I started looking at how I could act in a more deferential way--which took some work and still does. Spanking can help to cure bad habits, at least for me and my habits it has!

 Thank-you for reading and happy Love Our Lurkers Day!

Art is courtesy of our dear friend at Many Faces Art .  
 For usage of image please see here:

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Sleepy Submission

I have learned this week, that submission is so much easier when one's world has been turned upside down and one is utterly exhausted from all the highs and crashing lows and fun and excitement of these changes.

Being exhausted--at least this particular brand--, lowers the resistance. It also cancels out rationality, opinions, ideas, creativity and doing anything at a quick clip but there is major upside, here.
 After all, I've been struggling to go with the flow for years. If only I had known it would take the combination of an exhausted body but an overworked, geared up mind. Those two things meet in the middle and ends up with this kind of lull of sleepiness.

Here are some examples:

"Of course. I would be thrilled (I actually used that word) to go to a new munch.
 Its no big deal after leaving work, I got horribly lost and had to take an over packed train filled with students.  No problem. Happy to do it. Even made it on time. Now if you would kindly keep me awake long enough to eat this appetizer..."

"What's that? It looks like fun. Never mind that its flat and metal. Its kind of shiny. Oh, you want to use on me? I've put up an argument against this kind of thing before...really? What was my hang-up on all things metal about? Can't really recall anymore. Especially if you keep doing that..."

"All right.
You think we should go and live in a hovel.
Does it have a nice view?"

Like most other things on this blog, these are slight exaggerations but it gives you a glimpse of the last week and a half or so :o)
  Don't forget to vote! 
                      On the sidebar--tell me what you would like to read and I'll comply for the upcoming

Friday, 2 November 2012

Friday Fragments: Upcoming LOL Day

LOL Day 7 will take place next Friday and I'm thrilled to be on the blogging-side-of-the-fence and looking forward to participating.
Love Our Lurkers Day is when a bunch of bloggers post and encourage (because I couldn't think of any good bribes) and invite readers to come and leave a comment, we are inviting those who watch to come and say 'Hello'. Its worth reading the full description over at My Bottom Smarts

 I know, some of the things I write about, .doesn't make it easy for my readership.
You never quite know what you're going to get when you click on over here.
But I couldn't do this any other way because even though its under the cloud covering of anonymity, it is still me and this is pretty much how I prattle on in real life, too. Depending on the company, of course.
 I should do it more often, but I don't write with the audience in mind all the time...I mostly scrawl what I feel like. Some have emailed, asking if I could write on/talk more about: BDSM&Paganism, having a disability and kink, among other topics but those two are the most commonly requested and to do justice to both those themes is kind of an ongoing process for me and I haven't felt that I've written anything worthy enough to share.
  For next week's LOL Day, I thought I would ask the audience what they would like and I made a poll over there, on the sidebar. You could also leave your preference in a comment (and you are allowed to comment anonymously on this blog) and you could even tweet me your suggestion at:
@Bleuame_ perhaps, we can view this as a dress rehearsal for LOL Day itself. 
  I am grateful for those who come by and read and for LOL Day I'd like to write on demand...because even though I don't do it in a fluttering-of-eyelashes-kind-of-way, I do aim to please. 
 You pick it and the theme with the most votes is what I'll write about.

Options for next week's LOL Day Post are:
  • Erotica Fiction (probably an erotic short or flash)
  • Spanking
  • Starting D/s or '24/7' dynamic 
  • Erotica Art 
  • Tales of Discipline and Control 
  • Something to do with Sex
  • S'il vous plaît écrire en français

Thursday, 1 November 2012

Where to Kink...or not

Being a Canadian, an American-colleague recently told me over drinks, automatically makes me more liberally inclined than the most 'extreme left-wing democrats'. I don't know how true that is, there are plenty of conservative folks around here, including my parents but even though they are 'old-world' in a lot of what they do, having worked and lived during the era of Trudeau, I'm pretty sure they cast their ballots for the liberal party, still.
 Needless to say, there are many differences between our societal perspectives than our neighbours. 

I thought of this conversation, while I was reading yet another post on 'not putting your kink' on people who haven't agreed to be a part of your 'sex games'. 
 And I think, a lot of that, has to do with where you live, in terms of what is acceptable and what isn't. We live next door to one of the most populated cities in the country, visiting downtown on any evening, I can expect to see all hair colours of the rainbows, women wearing interesting and unique outfits, men whose faces are covered in metal, men and women dressed in leathers, and women with dreads in their hair and shaved heads and wearing corsets; and I highly doubt that all of these people are 'kinky. But maybe you would only see people wearing these things or expressing their creativity through their tattoos and hairstyles, if you lived somewhere else, if you were only hanging out with other kinky-minded people. 
 So if I go out to an event, in this area and Horace has roped up some part of my body beforehand, creating leg bands and armbands and halter-ties, or braided pieces of rope woven into my hair, no one thinks anything of it. They think its artsy and creative, never once when having been asked about the rope on my body, has someone linked it to a kink (I guess you could bring up the point that rope isn't a kink, but I'm hoping you get my point, regardless).
 I'm not advocating that you should put your kinkiness on the public, but I do think its a skewed statement or argument or warning...or whatever you call the 'no kink on others' writings that are so rampant.

I have, however witnessed what you could be called 'putting your kink on others'. Beautiful Sunday afternoon, we had to drive through suburbia to get to one of those plazas with the big-box-stores--I'm sure you know the kind of thing. There are families everywhere, elderly couples, it is packed. As we walked across the parking lot, Horace stooped suddenly and gestured.
 We exchanged quizzical expressions with each other and went on into the store. Then we laughed, because something about seeing a women, with boots up to her knees, wearing a mini-skirt and a cleavage revealing top, standing in front of a car, while being spanked by a man, in the middle of the parking lot on a Sunday afternoon, struck us as hilarious. And weird
  Which is funny in itself that we thought this was weird.
That, that is the kind of incident |I would describe as putting your kink on others.
  What is kind of ironic about this, is we were there at the big-box store, shopping for a new floor pillow (and when did floor pillows stop being trendy? They are awfully hard to find) which at least sent my mind off in several lovely ways. 
   Furniture of course being a privilege and all 

Wednesday, 31 October 2012


(Eons ago--pre-marriage--days, when I couldn't sleep at three am, I would go for a walk. I loved the quiet serenity of the night. I'm pretty sure Horace wouldn't take kindly to me doing that now, so here I am...) 

Being a good pagan Halloween is a pretty big deal and always has been to me.
   I can ignore all the other holy days but not the 31st of October. We've done many interesting things during this celebration: gone to a pretty awesome private play party, went to see theatre--something pretty unique in the air viewing a performance on this date--hosted vanilla parties, held more formal dinners, spent the night in with just us and been at the call of trick or treaters and we've given out some good horde: pencils and magnets and stickers and buttons and mini-toys along with the standard candy.
 We support Halloween fare in all its harm none forums.

A few weeks ago, we attended a family gathering. One of Horace's sisters shushed her husband about something and I almost said to her, "Its rude to correct your husband like that!" caught myself in time, and went with a more diplomatic version of "Chill." and you know, when I'm the one telling people to calm down, its reached new heights of hysteria.

I believe in equality as it applies to defining roles and pay and women's rights and human's rights and I don't think living a D/s lifestyle is for everyone. However, I have noticed little incidents like the above, where I've been spurned to comment on something that actually felt out of place to me.
 Not that its any of my business, of course.
Am I making any sense here? Its like, how we live and how we think (yes, I'm on another thinking kick) affect our perceptions. I truly don't think everyone should be the same, because by gods that would be boring but its more...being submissive has been fully integrated into my brain.

A couple of weeks ago, another family member, showed us pictures of what their young daughter was going to be trick or treating in, it was a costume of a male superhero.
And it bugged me.
Really, really bothered me.
In typical Bleuame fashion, I was even more bothered by not knowing why this bothered me and started listing off all the reasons, asking questions like..."Hmmm am I offended by a woman-trying-to-be-a-man?" Non, not really and besides which, this is just dress-up so that thought doesn't fit this equation.
"Could it be because I feel like they are teaching this child to be something they are not?"
Hmm..yes..getting closer.
"Am I so submissively minded that a costume or used in a reverse gender role, makes me uncomfortable?"
Non. Again, its a costume.
"Why am I so bothered by this? What's it to me if they don't teach their daughter identify through gender?" |Ahhhhhh.
That's kind of it.
Since day one, the adoring parents have tried to play down the importance of gender.
This child has had boy clothes and boy toys and was purposely given an antonymous name, the parents have  kept out of her awareness anything girlie or frilly or pink.
 Again, what's it to me? Not my child.
 I'm in that group that can never comment or offer an opinion because I don't have geesling.

When I figured out that this wasn't a case of me trying to paint the world in \D/s or me trying to foster submission on the unsuspecting masses, I felt better. Slightly.

We start to learn who we are by very basic things, "Je suis...I am...a girl/ name family is...I like pink..." and so on.

Anyways, ignoring that weirdness (or not) I think its interesting how this dynamic of ours always seems to flow into the external parts of our lives.

Wishing everyone a safe & happy October matter what you may call it.