Thursday, 11 July 2013

Service of Chivalry

For a while--a long while--I insisted or thought that I wasn't a service oriented type of submissive. 
 This blog has caused me to explore many ideas, concepts and thoughts and perhaps more prevalent of all, labels and terms and how I define them. If you scroll through the archives you will see subtle changes in describing TTWD and our D/s dynamic. 

It wasn't until I was talking to a dear friend one day and she said ..."us service-oriented subs often feel that way"..
With that one comment, I began to examine this idea of service a little more closely. As she identifies herself as a service-oriented submissive and because she doesn't make general sweeping comments the idea stuck. 

And here is sort of my conclusion. 
 I think many mix-up the concept of chivalry with the ideation of service. 
Chivalry has many, many tenets and details of the long-almost-forgotten-code but in all of that is the idea to protect and serve those who are weaker than they are.
 On a pure physical level, I am far weaker than my Dom. 
That means, for me to weave my way through a crowd, go the bar to get a drink, grab the attention of a waiter, it involves a lot of calculating in my head (factoring tripping hazards: tables, legs, chairs, bags on the floor, etc) attempting to do something as simple as that, always puts my physical weakness on display--at least it feels that way to me.
He goes to the bar and get the drinks

Him doing so is saving me from several uncomfortable moments and for him, its no big deal. 
Opening doors, moving heavy furniture, ordering (which is basically him deciding what I eat and drink) is all him taking the lead and taking control. Its being gentlemanly. 
 In the moment I put aside the hard-wired "I can open that door myself" mentality, I am giving him power; the power exchange of D/s in action. 

Displays of service are certainly dotted throughout our daily lives but its the service he wants and how he wants. 
Its not always the more literal and obvious actions of serving him a drink or food (though when we are tucked away in our hovel it often is) but it is often the more subtle acts of what I do for his business, how I keep the hovel, how I make the bed and from time to time, he might ask me to service in a sexual way.
Service: another expression of my obedience to him, which is yet another expression of our D/s dynamic. 
 And its kind of cool when the terms come together in your head to reach the same conclusion, drawing you back to the same central beliefs of your relationship--no matter the terms, the definition remains the same.

Friday, 5 July 2013

Friday Fragments: Apologies and Questions?

Maybe its because its summer or work has been especially busy, or maybe its just the balance I've struck. 
 We've been doing so much soicalizing over the last couple of months........
 Apparently, that means I haven't been as sociable online. 
Haven't been keeping up with my blog roll as much as I would like, haven't been commenting as often and I owe emails to a couple of really good friends. 
Being with people, with crowds--even if I enjoy the company--visits from friends and family--even if I am happy to see them--takes a great deal of energy from me..the introvert thing. 
 It used to be that my time online was a way to relax but now, I find it inducing a kind of mind-numbing fog and it just makes me tired. When I'm already exhausted from the beehive of activity. 
 I know, the cycle will even out again and I'll be more vocal online but for now, all I can do is extend apologies--especially to the emails I owe!
 I still have two questions from March to get to but I thought maybe opening the floor up to questions again, would act as motivation to keep me checking in here and scrawling away. So got a question? Did I miss something from March that you're dying to know?
 Leave a comment (question) below or drop it here:

Wishing you all a fantastique weekend! 

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Marks and Bruises

Just finished work-workday started absurdly early today and I really hate mornings.
Came home to the hovel, slipped on a pair of track pants, put a peasant skirt over it and a woolen cardigan that belongs to my mother and went out to feed the birds (its cool at 15C).
I'm sure from a distance, I can be mistaken for a granny but I feel kind of sexy. 
 Its the after effects of a great play session yesterday: rope, impact play, rough sex.
I'm feeling a little bruised. 
On my inner thigh there is still a red mark from where Horace caught me with the end of a rope, it stung at the time and it stings now. 
I mark pretty easily; but the marks tend to fade quickly.  
Sometimes I'll bruise visibly but I am more likely to bruise under the skin. 
Most of the time, Horace sticks to the parts of the body that can take heavy impact play: buttocks, upper back, thighs, back of the calves, the parts that are naturally fleshy. 
 But sometimes, despite the best care, a flogger wraps around the top of the rips or a rope end will snap on my hip-bone. 
The marks are pretty, kind of.
 Truthfully, its not really pretty but I do like seeing them. A reminder of our play, a reminder that he has the power to leave such marks, a reminder of his dominance, etc. 
We take a photo or two and let them fade. 
But occasionally, heavy play calls for ice packs and applying arnica gel.
 I understand the appeal of having bruises and marks--I do like them-- but I always wonder about the long term affects: bruising over and over again is trauma. 
And there are lots of times that we play--even if its a heavy, intense session-where no marks are left, no bruising breaking out on my skin. 
 Does that mean we play 'soft'? 
I always tell people "we play hard", when kinky friends ask or the whole comparing notes discussion comes up.
 But I mean that as a reference to our overall play: the intensity, the mental engagement not the physicality. 
More and more, I have been thinking of our play sessions as a manifestation of our D/s dynamic. 
Living 24/7, in a sense the 'play' never stops. 
There is always a give and take of the physical, the yielding and force, the displays of power---however subtle they may be--are constant. 
Just like I don't believe aggression is proof of dominance, I don't believe marks and bruises are indicators of how submissive or masochistic one might be. 

 How do you feel about marks and bruises? 

Monday, 1 July 2013

Happy Canada Day!

Where did June go?
 We've been busy around these parts and life at the hovel .
To be truthful, I haven't really been motivated to blog much.
Usually, a topic will come into my head and I'll want to share my
thoughts with all of you. Or write it out here, to explore how I'm thinking or feeling on it.
Its not that I have lacked topics--I have a drafts folder full of them--I've just sort of haven't gotten around to it. And some of it, is finding the time to blog again.
 I'm going to try and resume regular blogging again--I miss it, I miss staying in touch with my bloggie friends and I do have a lot to say--but that's for next week.

Right now, I would like to say
           Happy Canada Day!\

And because it is still good for a laugh, here is the link to Macleans' Fifty Shades of Eh