I think, when you start to realize there is more to kink than the scenes you've played out in your bedroom, that this BDSM stuff extends further than chains and ropes, when you have discovered people actually live life this way--like that book you may read--and you stumble into blogs or sites, FL, or maybe a good Tumblr, you become exposed to sexuality on a whole different scale than you ever thought existed and it becomes impossible not to wonder, be curious or at the very least talk about it all (or write about it all).
So yes, Horace and I have had many, many conversations about poly and if an open-marriage is something we could see ourselves having. I think "considered" might be too strong to describe how far we have taken it, but we have talked at great length about it.
Poly appeals to me.
I get it.
I really, really get it.
It makes a great deal of sense to me.
I think often, we are so very limited in how we love and I like that poly pushes the confines of that expectation. I think it is possible to love more than one, two or three people at the same time.
I especially love seeing when a polygamous relationship works well--that all people are fulfilled and to take it to the furthest boarder the offspring are growing up in a village. It's kind of a nice image.
It tugs at my heart strings and soothes a longing in my being to contemplate.
I don't think either monogamy or poly is "natural", I think both are choices.
One is obviously the more expected and accepted model.
But poly, it's not for me.
To know that for sure that it isn't for me, we would have to try it out.
But Horace is right, when he said, that's taking one heck of a leap, if both of us aren't sure this is right for both of us.
(Someone of you might be thinking, "But you're his slave...if he wanted an open relationship, wouldn't you have to go along with it?" Sort of. I'll explain the "sort of" part in a minute. This is one clear incidence where our marriage came before M/s, considering it had to do with possibly changing our structure of marriage).
I'm a solitaire.
I let so very few people into my world.
I like being the witch in the cave.
But, when someone does enter my cave, it's like an affair.
It's an attraction that I've never really been able to explain.
I fling my whole self into the relationship (and it's platonic, non-sexual).
Emotionally, I'm there with my whole heart and soul.
Intellectually, they are the centre of my focus.
Downside is, I'm just intense. I ride emotions with that whole self and then reflect that back at the person. So these cave-enters are never long relationships but they are all kinds of depth.
Until in blows up.
Then I'm hurting.
And Horace is left dealing with an emotional soup Bleuame and has to reach into bag of tricks and make a call.
With one exception, this has been the pattern my entire life when it comes to friendships.
There is a very good reason why most of the time, I only have casual acquaintances.
So given all that, I can't possibly see how I could deal well with a poly situation.
There is no way for me not to feel with that much abandon and humans are very messy.
I don't think I could emotionally detach enough to benefit anyone, I got very lucky that Horace can deal with me.
And I don't know how I can separate sex and the emotional ramifications-I'm not sure that is a possible thing for me to do.
However, (this would be the "sort of") if Horace came to me and said that he didn't feel his needs were being met, that he truly desired something more, and he thought an open-marriage was it, I would be willing to try and get my head around it enough to be okay with him having sex with others.
How could you deny your partner something they feel they need to do?
I'm happy when he's happy. I'm happy when the people in my life are happy.
And I don't think jealously would be my issue--I don't find myself to be a jealous person and I do think jealously is a learned behaviour, I like what this article says about jealousy and being poly-but being left out, that might be a problem.
I hate being left out.
And I do wonder how I would deal with it, if...poly became more than a conversation.
To be truthful, I'm not sure.
Right now, at this very moment, life is good. We are content and happy.
No need to shake it up...at least not by adding poly to our life.
This video clip is long, but completely fascinating and worth the watch if you have the time and are interested in poly.
It certainly has been a great question month! Thank-you to everyone who sent in questions and I hope the answers I have given are satisfying.