Tuesday, 31 March 2015

March 2015: Getting Literary

Jz asked: What literary character reminds you most of yourself? 

This is the question I disliked the most this year.

I was prepared to go without sleep...
without nights out...
without time together..
without a quiet home...
without a clean home...
without proper food...

But I was not prepared to forgo books.

No.
Not at all.
I haven't read a book in almost four months. 
That's the longest I have ever gone, since I first learnt how to read. 
I even bought a new Kobo to see if that would help. 
It didn't.

When it comes to gifts, I have a very complicated system It would take a code breaker to decipher what and how I find the whole gift-giving thing acceptable, but the one item I told everyone who asked to gift to Baby Bleu, was books.

 I will always take books.
Question kind of made me sad.
And then I thought, 'literary' usually means classic but I love this age of paranormal and urban fantasy and new adult fiction. 
I remember writing a post on my author's blog, and how I can't get this series out of my mind even now and how I am still upset about the ending of the series...
 Felix Castor has stuck with me.
It just might be that he reminds me enough of myself that I want to find out what happens next.
He has the ability to make everything way more complicated than necessary, oh how I relate. 
Here is some of that post from a couple of years ago:

Over the weekend, I closed a book and tucked it back into my drawer. 
And had a moment of annoyance. 
This was the last book in the series. 
This series is a few years old now and I have all five books and I have read them over and over. 
What is so appealing about a series that makes us want to re-read about the same characters? 
I love series, I'm actually looking for a new one to fall in love with. 
This book I finished reading was The Naming of the Beasts  by Mike Carey. 
I had accidentally stumbled across the first book of Felix Castor because I happened into a bookstore one day and they were just restocking and The Devil You Know was hanging out beside one of Jacqueline Carey's books--though not the one I was hoping to buy that day.
But...
The stars were aligned because I was looking for a series that wasn't a female-butt-kicking character and I wanted something paranormal in nature, I took it home and devoured the book in a couple of nights. 
I loved it!
Felix Castor is a freelance exorcist, living in London and there is something about that British-wit that snags me every time. 
I had a moment of hesitancy when I read the first book and zombies came up (because I'm not a fan of the zombie trend) but this wasn't mass-market-type zombies but rather the zombies in this series made a weird kind of sense. The zombies had a place and one in particular a certain charm that couldn't be ignored. 
 That was one series that has stayed with me. 

Probably the other most notable for me, is Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel's Legacy series and the following companion series. 
The books are so beautiful and intelligent, I've wept while reading them. 

*

I would love to write a character like Felix Castor one day..but I am horrible at writing genre fiction and if I never read ever again, its not a skill I am going to improve on, is it?
Just for fun, I asked him what he thought and here is how he replied:

Hello my lovely,

My thoughts of whom to compare you to in the literary world made me think of female characters that are the most loyal, compassionate, studious, adventurous, ambitious, and intelligent. These are the ones I came up with:

Anne Shirley Anne of Green Gables

Anne embodies an ambitious and adventure seeking spirit. She dreams big, she studies, and she is quite loyal to those who love her.

Hermione Granger Harry Potter

Hermione is fiercely intelligent and I think, even more loyal. She's studious, courageous, and strong.

Arya Stark A Song of Ice and Fire

Arya is a character who knows her own mind, she's intelligent, courageous, and fiercely loyal. She also manages to do everything she's told she cannot.

Dorothy Gale Oz

She dreams, she loves, she cares deeply for others, and she helps everyone she can.

Éowyn The Lord of the Rings

A shield maiden that took down the Witch King. Kind of speaks for herself. 

Love you,


Me.

*
If I can get to the last question today, this will be the first March that I will have succeeded in answering all the questions within the month.



Sunday, 29 March 2015

Housekeeping



Just ducking in to say thank-you all for the warm thoughts, The Stupidest Thing Ever is now behind us.
I am behind in replying to comments--I will get to them. I do appreciate the feedback.


When I put the call out to ask who was reading, I did it for a couple of reasons. 

When I first went private, I had readers who were reading for along while to ask if they could follow--some were other bloggers, some were author friends, some were writers I met on the erotica writers meet, --so people I kind of knew from an exchange here or there throughout the years I have been blogging here.

 Some of those dropped off throughout the year-simply loosing interest.
Some author/writer friends followed my other public persona.

But I wanted to know who was still actively reading because sometimes you need to know who your audience is...because sometimes you reach the point where you realize you need to babble-a lot, intimately- and this is the only blog you have and the idea of two blogs is just too much.
 The circle has become smaller.

I do better in small groups :-)

To everyone who is still reading and supporting, thank-you for hanging in...









Friday, 27 March 2015

Friday Fragments: Can I Hide?

Coffee, out of cream but its hot.
Last night...

He came home to find me watching baby sleep. 
Because that really is a thing you do. 
And something in my face or body language made him ask,
"Are you okay?"
Yes. No. Kind of.
Its getting better, the emotions aren't so raw.
But...
The Stupidest Thing Ever is this weekend.
I told him I wasn't feeling well and I might have been reading about Friedman's Curve again, because I am left with questions.
He asked me why.

There isn't always a trigger or a why that brings on the onslaught of emotion, sometimes there is...
The Stupidest Thing Ever is the kind of event where people tend to ask you about labour and birth. And I can't even. 

"How do I stop them from doing that?"
I think duck-taping their mouths would be really bad form.
But gods, I loved him for wanting to control what other people say to me because their stupid, innocent, personal questions--but somehow socially accepted-- might cause me pain.

I know its hard for him to understand.
Its hard for me to understand.
I've read cases where women have a perfectly, 'perfect birth' and still experience the same kind of thing I'm going through. I wouldn't have chosen this.

I don't blame anyone.
I don't think there is anything we could have done differently.
Okay, I might still be blaming myself. And I might wonder.
But I do know...
It was beautiful.

Have I gushed to you all about how perfect Baby Bleu is lately?
 Because he is so, so perfect.
And gods, the love.

*
The comments and thoughts from the last post made me laugh! 
If we ever meet in person, I will share the details of the book saga, deal?
















Thursday, 26 March 2015

March 2015 Questions: Regrets?

Via email: "What is one regret you have about BDSM? What is one regret you have in vanilla life?"

I try not to stockpile regrets.
 Certainly, there are things I wish I hadn't done or said or things I wish I had done better and missed opportunities I wonder about and sometimes, I wish I hadn't burned so many bridges but in general, I try to live in a non, je ne regrette rien kind of way.

Other than thinking it would have been nice if we had gone through and booked that dungeon for a private play party with a group of friends, before the arrival of critter, no there really isn't anything I regret about kink/BDSM...sometimes I do wonder what it would have been like if I had explored more without abandon when I was younger..but I'm lucky enough to come through just fine for the few times I ended up in entanglements where I had no business being.

Most people, when they are asked, "What would you do if you won the lottery?" would say something responsible and boring like, pay off debts or maybe they want a cruise or a lama. 
If money ever happens to pour down upon me, I would buy a whole lot of ad space.
I would place ads everywhere, hunting down and searching for copies of a book, I would offer reimbursement.
Then when I had gathered all the books up, I would get a large parcel of land and construct one massive bonfire.
 And then I would take my time, pitching all those copies of all these books into the flames.
Where the pages truly belong.
Because I think only the power of cleansing fire possibly has a chance of righting this massive mistake.

I wrote a book.
   I regret it.
I am not being self-deprecating when I tell you, the book should never have been written, much less published, definitely not printed.
The worse part?
I knew better.
Oh, how I knew better.

Why didn't he stop me?
Because at the time we were young in our D/s and besides that, this project had gained so much momentum it was impossible to stop, it kind of twirled and entrapped everyone. 
Like trains that go at too quick of a speed, it was destined to end in spectacular wreckage fashion.

I haven't been able to finish a manuscript since.

*
 If you are still reading here, please let me know (if you haven't already)





Wednesday, 25 March 2015

March 2015: M/s and Growth

Tori asked:

1) how do you feel you have grown as a woman, and as a couple since you incorporated M/s into your life?
2) is there anything kink wise you haven't explored but would really like to?

That first question gave me pause, let me answer the second part first.

As a couple, I think we are stronger.
 Stronger yet if we actually do survive this year.

As a woman...this is tougher and I think about it often.

A whole lot of  submission and surrender for me, was in giving up the fight and letting go of the idea I thought independence was.

I spent so much time fighting...and I had to or I wouldn't have been able to do very much and for me, the wanting or the will, has always been a strong force of propelling me forwards.
So I spent a long time fighting with my body, with wrangling my mind, to do basic things that everyone else can.
 I spent a lot of energy fighting and proving to society that I could do whatever it was someone or they told me I couldn't.
M/s changed that..or in the process of becoming his slave changed that because, I gave up the fight.
I didn't have to do or be anything other than what he said.
He directs my will.
 I learned how much strength there is in vulnerability.
How much freedom there is in surrender.
Being owned by him, has also given me the confidence to do many things that before I wouldn't or that I didn't think I could...its kind of like, it matters so little to me what others think, because it doesn't matter to him and he thinks I can do whatever it is, and that's become good enough.
  He made it okay for me to give in those girly-girl urges, too. 
He made a safe place for me to be gentle, to be nurturing and I discovered and am re-discovering how much those things matter to me, too.
i like taking care of him and people and I like being needed and I can still be me.
 Hearth and home matter too, no less than the wanting or the dreaming, that's something I have learned with him.

To the second part of Tori's question, no.
Absolutely not.
I'm sure at some point, we might come back to exploring new things but for now, I can barely fathom it.

*
This is the only place in life that I voluntarily answer questions...strange...

But on the question of what to do with blogging: Its staying where it is for now. If you don't think its appropriate that I mention kink and sex and new addition in the same breath, well no one is forcing you to read.
 Right now, though the idea of public blogging is appealing--there is a lot to it that I miss--I think there is only one reason why I would open it up again and I don't have the time or headspace to try and accomplish those goals right now.
However, I am reviewing the subscribers list---if I haven't heard from you and you want to stay being a reader, do drop me a line Bleuame6@gmail.com, if you comment regularly there is no need to let me know you are still reading ;-)

Thanks for reading.








Monday, 23 March 2015

Part Two, Ravings

It was a good weekend, that started with spring but I seem to be recapping out of order, again I feel like so much happened.
The kinky  happened over two days, bits here and there, and *that* is how I gather all of you manage ttwd with full households...grab those moments when and where you can.

*

Early morning Sunday, I had a nightmare, that left me shaking and scared and all I wanted to do was to wake him up. I wanted to curl up at his feet or put my head in his lap.
 This can't be unusual, right?- we are sleeping in separate areas because its just easier and he goes to work and needs a full night uninterrupted sleep. Sometimes on the weekend, he will come up and join us but this night he had fallen asleep downstairs.
 In the dream, I was in labour..labouring, labouring, labouring and then being terrfied because I couldn't find the baby. And being more terrified, when I realized the baby was still inside and had no choice but to continue on with the labour.
 Even typing that much, has caused me to feel a little anxious.
I didn't want to wake him but I wish he was with us.
  You can bet, I picked up our perfect baby, sat with him for a long while and breathed in his new scent and felt infused with gratitude--as I often do--that even though there may be wounds still open, the three of us did come through all of that and out the other side and fuck, let's just say it, alive.
Sunday we put some order to the Hovel and just kind of did the normal married people things and that night, I gave baby a bath.
 I'm kind all about doing what is easier these days, so you can guess how I accomplished the bath.
Handed baby over to be dried, turned on the shower, was just about to put shampoo in my hair, when the crying started.
Waited a moment to see if the powers of the other parent had any affect..but had to hop out.
Took baby.
Snapped at Horace. 
  It was a combination of thinking about that dream, the bath, feeling that touched out sensation and having someone talk to you as you are using all of your energy to calm the babe.
The reason for the reaction doesn't really matter.
It hasn't ever been acceptable behaviour on my part--except for this past year because hormones. And recovery.
 So I tended to baby and it dawned on me.
I felt horrible and I apologized but that didn't really do enough.
 He felt, like all the progress we had been making not just this weekend but the last few weeks was kind of gone. He felt doubt about the rough play--did he make a mistake in judgement? Could I actually not handle it?
But honestly, it was just a moment where there was too much in my head and I didn't take enough care with my words and I really should have.
And that's all it was.
What I wanted and what I think he needed, was his absolution. I wanted him to take me to task for that behaviour. 
 The reason why I love being here in Blogland, is because most of you--other than sending good thoughts of concern and support--have treated me as you always have. The reason why I am missing public-blogging is because the questions of March made me realize that I am missing the interaction of knowing what is going on with other people and I miss people talking to me about their stuff.
Yes, the experience of giving birth has left me raw and open in places but I am feeling like myself...not the fragile mess I might have been on and off over the past several months.
 And maybe for us, that is another adjustment; in many ways where we are now, feels like a whole new courtship.

*
Spring. 
Temperatures not in the negatives.
I wanted to take Baby Bleu to the park.
Decided maybe I haven't been fair to the stroller, maybe my insane love of babywearing has clouded an accurate judgement.
Gave it another go.
Got us to the park! Feed him in the sun on the bench and it felt like a huge, huge victory.
And then...this is how strange mom gulit is...I felt bad because I realized how little sunlight he has had.
  It was a very long and cold winter, I know this, but still.
It was our farthest outing from home and we made it. 
 Almost home. 
He started crying, so obviously I took him out of the stroller. Carrying him and kind of lugging the stupid stroller behind us.
I will admit that the thing got over the muddy terrain of the park very well but it is twice as much work as wearing the baby.

*
I have doubts about going public again.
And I will  presume that those of you on the email list, the silent readers, if you didn't want to read, you would have unsubscribed yourselves? But the idea of being back and open....yeah, going to need more time to figure this out.
  Though why any of you would want to read the ravings of a postpartum neurotic bleue girl is kind of beyond me....whatever, I'm glad you do.











Ravings.

(There were so many other ways in which I could have handled the whole 'doyoustillreadhere' questions.
Instead of inviting everyone, I was just trying to invite those who would be interested in still reading privately...you can't add a 'follow' button to a private blog. Apologies for the confusion--no one is being 'uninvited'...if you receive posts by email now, that would carry over...if spots open up there then I'll try to accommodate.)

I have coffee--with cream--and I just ate a cookie for breakfast. He brought home my favourite cookies from the bakery, which was so nice of him---not his favourite so I don't get to have them often.
It was a really good weekend and there is a lot I want to talk about, But some of it is about us and kinkery and some of it is about other stuff...hence why I do need two blogs...might turn into two posts. As you know friends, its always off the cuff.

This past weekend I feel like we reached a turning point where there was a lot of hope that showed that we can get back to how we were before and all things new are going to fit into our dynamic just fine and we can do this, even under the new circumstances. It felt like it used to. We felt like we used to.
It wasn't the rough sex or the play, though those activities happened, it was in our day-to-day interactions.

I think, when you are living a power exchange, there is a certain way of communicating that happens naturally, beyond the use of titles or honorifics. Its a kind of politeness, a way of speaking that indicates each has respect for each other, as partners yes, but more than that, a way of acknowledging the acceptance in roles...maybe this was subtle until it was absent from our norm, I don't know.
In the past couple of weeks, I  have caught myself deferring to him./
This wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary, except it was absent in the frantic-hazy days of just trying to keep it all together.
This weekend, all these little things came together and we flowed again.


Breath play.
I nearly had forgotten that was something he liked, that it was something we did.
However, I didn't forget that its something I've always strongly disliked.
He wanted it.
He took control.
And next thing I knew, I was pulled in tight against his body, experiencing the moment of panic that this play has always brought out. It was a couple of moments. 
I was reaching for the comfort...now that he had what he wanted and I got through that with no panic attack or meltdown but he kept going. I think he thought it was time to start seeing what I can take.
 And I take solace in that, because if he felt it was time for this type of play again, then I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that if there was any emotional fall out, he was prepared to do everything to handle it.
Maybe he just knew I was ready--like he did a couple of weeks ago when he started adding on the list with requested tasks.
 After he was finished with the breath play, his forearm came hard across my throat.
Tears formed in the corners of  my eyes/
My tolerance for pain is still hovering slightly above zero.
It was good, what he was doing but the reaction to the pain, sent my thoughts spinning into the land of doubt, wondering if I ever had a pain tolerance to begin with and wondering if I was ever a masochist, wondering if what I am now capable of is enough for him.
That all ended in forced penetration and rough sex.
 Made him happy.
I was still standing, not unhappy about it all but not thrilled.
And the fact that I'm not thrilled about it, doesn't matter.
And I'm okay with that not mattering.
Because I can deal with that on my own--just like all the other times he chose a form of play I didn't want.
I was okay.
 He took my phone from me.
That is like cutting off my arm because my phone is kind of like a third arm but he took it, looked after the critter and sent me for a nap and made sure I got a shower.
All of which made me a very happy girl.


yeah...another post...it is...












Saturday, 21 March 2015

Edit


If you do want access to the new private blog, we are going to have to communicate. It will be as painless as last time, I promise.
Drop me an email here: Bleuame6@gmail.com
  And do mention that you want to receive posts by email because spots are limited with private blogs, first come...

*EDIT*
(That was a really bad plan. Folks who have followed me forever are on the subscription list now for very valid reasons.
 I will do my best to accommodate new requests but I have to give those spaces to those who are on the email list now and are choosing to follow me yet again...hope you understand...)

Surveying...Show of Hands...

I am will be opening this blog back up and creating a new private one.
 It is kind of nice to write about all aspects of life and scribbling has helped maintain my sanity...

So...I'm sorry.
But once more, I am going to have to break that audience barrier.

If you don't want to follow me into the new blog, do nothing.
                      I won't be offended.

If you do want access to the new private blog, we are going to have to communicate. It will be as painless as last time, I promise.
Drop me an email here: Bleuame6@gmail.com
  And do mention that you want to receive posts by email because spots are limited with private blogs, first come...

*EDIT*
(That was a really bad plan. Folks who have followed me forever are on the subscription list now for very valid reasons. I will do my best to accommodate but I have to give those spaces to those who are on the email list now and are choosing to follow me yet again...hope you understand)


When I open this one back up, I *think* the subscription feeds will be the same, so you should receive posts by email if that's how you originally did.

Not happening right away; few weeks give or take. Need to clean the place up a bit before I let the trolls back in.

Thanks for reading.


Friday, 20 March 2015

Questions March 2015: How Did You ?

Sarah asked:

"My question for you is: how long have you been with Horace? How long were you together before you incorporated M/s? How did it come about?"


We have been together thirteen years or so.

 There has always been an element of a power exchange to our relationship. I think that just goes to the fact that these roles or titles that we use, really are who we are.
I might have been the one to ask for kink but in retrospect, that might have been ah, let's say orchestrated by him (better word than 'manipulated' yes?)

So for us, there has always been kink/ttwd, even if it was only in the bedroom back in the early years.

In some ways, I think the kink aspect was harder for him to come to terms with than the power exchange. And I have had my inner struggles with the whole 'Do I want this more than him/am I asking him to be something he isn't/' thoughts.

 We explored more together from there and had plenty of misses, with evolving to a more structured tpe/D/s...after I stopped letting the idea freak me out.

In short, we incorporated M/s because that's what he wanted for us. 
He has always had the vision for what he wants for us and has led to it.
 It was a natural progression from D/s. 

The problems we have had, or the arguments have had only come when power between us is fought for--nothing made that more clear than pregnancy. 
If we just do what he says, we all get along just fine.
It's  a dictatorship.
He likes to think its a democracy because he allows free speech.

Hope this in a nutshell adequately addresses your questions. 


Tuesday, 17 March 2015

March 2015 Questions: Here and There, Play

Roz asked, "If you could vacation anywhere, where would it be? 
What is your favourite form of 'play' and favourite implement?"


Favourite form of play...

I'm an emotional masochist. There really is no way around it...even though we aren't playing  edgy or hard right now--though he might just be slipping it in---I'm  starting to think about it again. There are two scenes he talked about but we never got to do...

 The question of whether or not I can take it--hasn't been answered yet...but the desire and longing has started to return.
I'm a humiliation slut, even in my head, so favourite form of play is edge/humiliation play.

As for favourite implement...anything leather.
Not just a flogger, though I love the impact of a good flogger....I mean., harnesses and gags, straps and belts.


Vacation...

I want to get on a plane and fly out west, surprise an aunt by knocking on her door, just to see her expression and hear her laugh in person.

I want to take a train to the middle of nowhere way up to the frozen north and drink five years worth of coffee, to catch up with one of the truest friends I've ever had.

I want to drive out east and see the red and blue cabin doors, walk along the shoreline and remember the good from childhood.

I want to head south, across the boarder and stroll along cobblestone streets, and experience what Faulkner meant.

I want to travel here, there and everywhere, I want to meet the weird, interesting and unusual, I want to brush shoulders with the creative and the alternative, the hidden and the real.
 I want to spend time with the people who bring out the magick in me and challenge my perceptions. 



Friday, 13 March 2015

March Questions 2015: Slave again?

"Do you think you will come back to the M/s dynamic you had before? Can you balance being a slave and motherhood?"-Silent Reader

Flock if I know.

In short, I think pregnancy really took us off the rails from some of the foundations we have...how we communicate, what we want/need all of the usualness was thrown up into air.

In retrospect, oh, in retrospect so many things occur to me. I think we really were trying to do our best to make each other happy but with a whole new set of circumstances.
 Emotional balance/emotional health topping that list. One of the things I really love and depend on him for is to trespass my emotional hills and valleys and get to the heart of the matter.

With pregnancy, I think his brain was on a 'do/action' switch and I didn't need the action, as much as I needed the reason for wanting the action to be addressed.
 More often than not, this led to him over promising, causing me anxiety about when/how X was going  to be done and the actual heart of the matter not getting addressed until it all ended in arguments.
 Truly, not some of my finer moments and I have a lot guilt. He points out that there were many more wonderful moments, which is helping a little.

Maybe slowly we are finding our way back to M/s...as for balancing this kind of dynamic with life with  a teeny tiny critter that takes every ounce of energy from you, I'm beginning to think expectations are key.


He expects me to care for our son. That's the number one priority and trumps everything else.

I have never been the kind of submissive  that needs to be beaten, cajoled or forced---but that's because I found him worthy. I like to meet his needs, I want to provide him with what he needs. I get my own fulfillment in doing what he wants. But this also means, I can be very hard on myself and I expect too much from myself.
He has saved me from myself over the last few weeks by telling me what he does expect.
So there are three things he has asked me to do each day.
And above those three things, I try to do something more but I know if I don't that's okay and I know that if the day goes to Hades and I didn't get his three things done, that's okay too. He knows it wasn't for lack of trying but because it was one of those days. Sometimes he will add in another request/task or two to the list and I know that because he is asking it means more to him than the usual three things--its something he really wants/needs me to do. Its not perfect, its not as seamless or effortless as it was before but maybe we just need to practice.

There are moments where I wonder, where I doubt but those moments are becoming less...and I am trying to surrender to what was before...his faith, because his faith has always been stronger.

His goal/ideal has always been a harmonious household, day by day we get back to that ebb and flow.

We really do love each other.

As to the question as if it is possible to balance slavehood and motherhood? I don't know. But I have many examples to draw from that says it can be done.

Thank-you for the question.


(Still taking questions and getting to them as fast as I can)




Thursday, 12 March 2015

An Ultimate Throwback Thursday...

This time last year...
The scene is so vivid in my memory.
What led to it was even more memorable...
And I remember so many minute details--including the blogs I read...---of those days.
 Bleue, no one celebrates the anniversary of when they conceived.

He sent me flowers yesterday.





Thursday, 5 March 2015

March 2014 Questions: Out and About?

(Its shameful how behind I am with everyone...sorry)

Every so often I am asked--okay, each March-- how 'out' I am about my kink and one of my subscribers asked: 

"How out are you about being a slave? Do other people know who aren't into BDSM? Are you on Fetlife? Would you accept friend requests there?"

As far as I know, no one else who  isn't into BDSM knows I'm a slave, there might be a couple of people who know we're into kink who aren't into it themselves. 

 But here is where we debate, constantly...because He thinks there is more protection to be out, rather that hiding it all...that means He often shares way more than I am comfortable with...but that happens in other areas of life, too, so its most likely the introvert that I am objecting, because there is a huge part of me that wants to be all I don't give a flock. 

But...there is a whole new layer of fear now. He thought it was ridiculous that I would think that Baby Bleu would be taken from us if anyone knows...but gods, mom fear is so damn powerful.

Yes, I'm on Fetlife. I don't post much or talk much, but sure, if I know you from Blogland, I'll accept a friend request.

Another question from an email subscriber:
"Bleuame, I don't want to be creepy but I think we live right next door to each other, I can tell by the stats...would you meet for coffee?"

A year ago, I would have said, that if you are in the Golden Horseshoe and near the second best city to live in, in Canada, and we know each other through blogging, sure, let's do coffee.
 But coffee these days of course means taking Baby Bleu and I am not quite clear on how I/we feel about meeting strangers with baby--this might be different if you have a little critter too.

Greengirl asked: "Have you been involved in a local/real community, or are you still? On balance, is this worthwhile or not so much?"

Yes and yes.
We have been involved in a local community...gone to events, hosted events--a couple in our own home--and been out and about locally.

It depends on why you want to go and be involved. Surprisingly, it has been worth it. I have met so many interesting folk and made a couple of friends. 
Its fun. Its nice to be with like-minded people every now and then. Sometimes, comparisons can be useful. The exchange  of knowledge/skills that takes places has definitely been worth it.

I will say, though, that by the time we got around to getting out here, I was already wearing his collar and our dynamic was already established. That made a huge difference from earlier toe-dipping--for me at least.
For the most part, I have found the kink community to be welcoming and kind.
 I have still not met anyone who has a dynamic quite like ours and I think at times it would be nice too, still, I have found the experiences worth it. 





Monday, 2 March 2015

March: Questions? Hit Me

Life.
Busy.
 Baby.
You know.

And seriously, if I don't find a way to read all the blogs and comment through my phone, my interaction with Blogland is going to continue to be nil *sad pouty face*.
The problem of course, is everything, everything on my mobile is under the real me and I can foresee potential problems in adding this me into that mix.

I'm both in love with and horribly disenchanted with life at the moment. In love with everything baby, disenchanted with everything else. 
I want...I don't know...joking with him over the weekend, I said a 'township'. Maybe after all these months of solitude, I'm craving more interaction, maybe I'm longing for some kind of sense of community, maybe I want a change...of location, of  vocations, I'm also feeling the desire to create.

But...I have no actual creativity and have lost all ability to write...so its another serving of frustration on that score. 
I am probably suffering a severe case of cabin fever...

So, March is question month in this corner of Blogland; no promises to respond in a timely way but if you have questions for either Horace or I, ask away.

And I put one to you, faithful readers: Contemplating opening the blog up again because I miss the interactions and there are newer blogs out there, I haven't had a chance to read/meet and its just easier for everyone. In all likelihood, if I was to open it  up again, I would unpublish most posts from the last 10months.
 Thoughts? Stay private, go public?