Wednesday, 27 July 2016

Muddle

Kind of amazed how the need for sleep has only become greater--not less as time has gone on.

He has been good at giving me space lately.

Connection, not so much. We seem to connect, then rip apart.

I've heard a date night would help.


Tuesday, 12 July 2016

Morning After

I may be angry with him for things that have happened.

The decisions he made might not have worked out perfectly well.

But it doesn't change the fact that he made them. He made them based on the facts he had at the time. I trust him to make decisions for us. He doesn't intentionally lead us off into the ditch.

Hindsight is cruel.

Just because I am railing at the decisions he made, it doesn't change the fact that he has the power and always has, to make and implement them and this is how I have chosen to live my life.

Me being unhappy with how some things have played out, is me protesting at the bonds I am in.

I know it seems like I am awfully unhappy in these posts. But this is my place to vent and work out stuff and I am trying to work it out.
In truth, in many ways, this is the happiest I have ever been, overall in life.

I haven't withdrawn consent--though I am not sure if that counts for anything.

I am throwing one heck of a rebellion over here, I am self-aware enough to realize that.

I miss having other D types to talk to. I could surely use that other perspective.

Sunday, 10 July 2016

Tonight

I'm convinced that this....loneliness is going to eat me whole.

The weight of it is crushing me slowly, breaking me into pieces.

Not to be seen. Not to be heard. Not to be acknowledged. Not to reflect. Not to engage. Not to be nourished.

The more I have, the more that is taken.
The more that is taken, the more I need to replenish.

Hard to draw from a stone.

And it seems I am far off in the fields, forgotten and bare tonight.
Out of sight.

He used to take more care.

I'm on my own in so many ways and I'm not sure what to do with this, yet when so much struggle is consumed by this weight of loneliness.


Friday, 8 July 2016

Drift...

Make it whiskey.
Though I once had a chocolate martini that had gin in it. That'll do too.

And we will ignore the fact that there are no suitable carers.

But this sentiment, yes.

Its been a long week.
 On the upswing but long
And painfully slow.

I think I might have missed my calling for a vocation that caters to adrenaline highs......

Saturday, 2 July 2016

Cheeky

"So you do remember how to spank my ass..."

That went over as well as you would expect...*ahem*.

We found that hour.


He has also employed my brain and asked me to do stuffs for him this week.
 'won't pretend I'm not happy about that one.

And I've been presented with a notebook that has 360 writing prompts.

On that particular one, we'll see.

I know (remember how good I was at the whole slave thing, yah?)
 Power exchange, not struggle.

But maybe I'm just a brat and didn't know it....*its kind of fun I will admit*

Friday, 1 July 2016

Long Weekend

It's Canada Day today and I am looking forward to the day off!

Thought some of my readers would get a kick out of this:



And there might be a teeny tiny part of me that hopes for an hour alone and one good flogging commencing. *nods* *grins*

Thank-you all for reading.