Tuesday, 25 October 2016


You guys are killing me with kindness.
you are all way too kind.

My inbox is always open, but gods, I am not the person to talk to right now.
"How can I slave/handle/be/live a M/s dynamic?"
 I dunno. Don't.

That's my advice: Just don't do it.

I just don't have words right now.
I'm hurting too much.

I thought the hurting was over.
I thought we had come through it.
 I even thought we were weathering this latest storm calmly and rationally and...well together.

I was so very wrong.

We will call it a blogging break, then.

The words are there below the surface. I am trying to ignore that this place exists in part, because I don't want to erupt.

Because I am stupid. Evidence clearly shows.

 Just because I'm hurting doesn't mean I have to hurt back, at least not with an eruption of words that is on public display.

Wednesday, 19 October 2016


Lofty ideals.
Dreams are expensive.
And leaving security with nothing is not an attractive prospect.

Saturday, 8 October 2016

Grateful Moments

Hovel filled with activity today.
Cleaning, sorting, cooking, baking.

He pauses in the flurry, kisses my mouth hard.
"You get to go out and have fun while I slave away."
"Damn straight."
He cups my behind, nibbles my ear.
A moment, before domestic requirements call our attention away.

Moments that we are getting better at finding.

Its our Thanksgiving weekend. I really love this holiday.

The origins differ from the American version, it was a holiday created to celebrate the bountiful harvest, a designated day of thanksgiving (wiki scoop, if you are interested like that).
 I always felt it was in line with the season, and pretty secular in nature.

Reflecting, taking stock.

Grateful that despite all the turbulence, we have survived.

Monday, 3 October 2016

Fealty Attempt

He implemented a new ritual.
Once a week, would be kind of a catch up, where He would direct my attention to anything He thinks I have been slacking in or something He wants me to pay attention to or a new ask that He is making.

I would also add, "transgressions" but we don't have a punishment dynamic.

Maintenance, I believe many of you call it. And I get why so many of you have it.

Fealty Day, Horace termed it.

So all week, I had been looking forward to it, in an anticipating, apprehensive kind of way.
But you know what else happened?
 I did my best, to save all the stuff.  Not immediate stuff but much of the 'need to talk to you about this' stuff.
 Great! Been working on not blabbing to Him every thought that enters my head.

So Fealty Day rolls around.
He's tired.
I'm tired.
But we persisted because we know by now to take our chances whenever we can get them.

It was a smorgasbord.
Some kinkery fuckery happened in between my incessant chatter.
It was just that kind of mood, of neither one of us really being in a space to do anything intense or intentional play but we had a lot of fun and laughter.

"I like Fealty Day. I got so much off my chest!" I said.
He grumbled.
It was not what He had in mind.