After the meme post, a note from Elle asked me if there were any piercings/tattoos I would want but don't have?
And yes there are, see this old post, too.
I have always loved the look of an eyebrow piercing. He doesn't, so I can't have one.
And thinking about this post, it made me realize how much there still is of the old us even in the new us.
Because even though I have autonomy over my body again, (had to take it back to heal)--though he says my body is just loaned back to me, its not permanent--I didn't run out and get an eyebrow piercing. He probably would have been okay with it, in light of the fact that the last year has been met with the attitude of "Let's do anything and everything we can not to have the experience we did last time", but I'm not sure if an eyebrow piercing would have done anything to heal me, or if I could have made an argument for it being healing.
So he probably would have been hurt if I had gone and done it.
Counter-intuitive to what we are going for.
Tattoos aren't appealing to me. I love the art, love the look of them on others, love hearing the stories behind me but, I'm not sure I could deal with something so permanent on me. However....
I would actually like a tattoo that says, "Owned."
When its all said and done, I identify as being property, as being owned.
I can be bratty.
I can be incorrigible.
I can be one hot traumatized mess.
I can be all serving-him-with-a-smile
I can be all-here's-your-dinner-fuck-you
I can be all out of my mind and out of control and having a week from hell and a day from chaos and I can be all soft and vulnerable and wanting him to take me and show me...
I'm still his.
And even in these new days, where everything is new and we are finding us again, I can see how we are coming back here and there and into something new but still most definitely O/p.
I want him to claim me again as property.
There are moments.
Me playfully talking back to him, him wrapping my hair around his fist and pressing my face into his thigh....moments we find.
So yes, a permanent mark that etches that on my skin, holds great appeal.
He won't let me.
Because there would be something he would find wrong with it and to have that permanently etched on my skin, would annoy him to no end.
So unless, he learns how to ink skin himself, me getting this permanent mark will never happen.
Then again, I wouldn't close the door on that possibility.